Some people have bold predictions; I have overly detailed psychotic prognostications! Anyone can pick and winner later in the year and claim they knew what the hell they were talking about; I’m leaving this one up all season for ridicule and (hopefully) praise. Some people pick trendy teams; I’m picking ALL the records. Leading passer? I’m calling the yardage. Playoff teams? I’m giving you seeding AND scores. Let’s start with individual awards, then tackle the team records, followed by the playoffs.
Leading Passer: Drew Brees, 5,085 yards. (I know - going out on a real limb on this one! Knock Marino out of the record book by one lousy yard)
Leading Rusher: Michael Turner, 1,681 yards (Screw the curse of 370! Good offense line and enough weapons that teams can’t stack eight in the box)
Leading Receiver: Andre Johnson, 1,511 yards (They should be trailing in quite a few games and we know damn well they can move the ball - give it to the giant stud on the outside)
Leading Sacker: DeMarcus Ware, 16.5 (Just beats out Mario Williams but has a career year; has five against the Redskins alone)
MVP of the League: Tom Brady (He makes the whole team work, name recognition, and his brand sells the league. Rivers and Manning finish second and third)
Coach of the Year: Mike Singletary (Makes the most out of the least, gets and deserves the most credit)
Offensive Player of the Year: Adrian Peterson (If he could do all that last year without the slighest threat of anyone passing the ball…)
Defensive Player of the Year: Mario Williams (All those Reggie Bush fans will finally come around)
Offensive Rookie of the Year: Mark Sanchez (Beats out Knowshon Moreno and Beanie Wells because he is a QB in New York and gets far too much attention. Stafford is not mature enough and has a group of matadors for an offensive line)
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Aaron Curry (Can be the QB of the defense on a team that surely has to improve from last year, throwing around a very weak division)
As for the teams… here are the division records (playoffs below all of these)
AFC East
New England 13-3
Miami 9-7
New York Jets 6-10
Buffalo 5-11
AFC North
Pittsburgh 12-4
Baltimore 10-6
Cincinnati 6-10
Cleveland 5-11
AFC South
Indianapolis 12-4
Tennessee 10-6
Houston 7-9
Jacksonville 5-11
AFC West
San Diego 11-5
Oakland 5-11
Kansas City 5-11
Denver 4-12
NFC East
New York Giants 12-4
Philadelphia 11-5
Dallas 9-7
Washington 6-10
NFC North
Minnesota 11-5
Green Bay 10-6
Chicago 7-9
Detroit 4-12
NFC South
Atlanta 11-5
Carolina 10-6
New Orleans 9-7
Tampa Bay 5-11
NFC West
San Francisco 9-7
Seattle 8-8
Arizona 6-10
St. Louis 3-13
That’s 256 wins and 256 losses when you add it all up so it is theoretically possible to hit the nail on the head. The odds are just sliiiiightly against me, but hey! Why not?
Playoff Seeds
1. New England 2. Pittsburgh 3. Indianapolis 4. San Diego 5. Tennessee (WC) 6. Baltimore (WC)
1. New York Giants 2. Atlanta 3. Minnesota 4. San Francisco 5. Philadelphia (WC) 6. Green Bay (WC)
Wild Card Weekend
Indianapolis 24, Tennessee 20
San Diego 22, Baltimore 13
Minnesota 28, Green Bay 27
Philadelphia 45, San Francisco 15
Divisional Weekend
New England 41, San Diego 35
Pittsburgh 25, Indianapolis 22
Philadelphia 13, New York Giants 10
Atlanta 31, Minnesota 26
Championship Weekend
Pittsburgh 16, New England 13
Philadelphia 31, Atlanta 17
Super Bowl XLIII
Philadelphia 27, Pittsburgh 9
SB MVP: LeSean McCoy
While we’re being stupid….
Pro Bowl
AFC 31, NFC 27
Pro Bowl MVP: Carson Palmer
There you have it - the 2009 NFL Season before it even takes place! Check back in January / February to see how well I just did!